This is a scary and controversial subject to discuss, yet like other genres of other worldly topics that I was introduced to for one reason or another, this one hits home. This is all from my perspective, I am not a professional on the subject yet this has been a matter I have been exposed to all my life and I would like to hear yours later as well. If you look at your path in life, it shows you that it leads you somewhere to grow and learn from your circumstances and experiences. When I was younger I was interested in ghost stories that today I still have all the books I collected. Although I did not believe they were real, I just imagined them to be legends passed down around a camp fire. I enjoyed the rush I got from feeling scared; it ironically made me feel alive. Go figure. I am sure there is a mysterious deep meaning for that.
Anyway, a topic you might think unrelated, when growing up I had been subjected to observing mental illness within my close personal life, at school, at my park, friends and their families and even my places of employment. As I got older for some reason I drew to me the types of jobs working in several different levels of psychiatric wards and in nursing homes. Hopping on a bus at 14 years old to visit someone you loved in a mental institution could definitely pull at your heart strings in a movie. This exposure led me to continually contemplate this dis-ease, what was in their heads, why do they say these things that did not seem to be coming from the person I was observing. There were some very violent and obscene characters I had to deal with and others so totally withdrawn. Some patients seemed to carry such negative vibes I tried to stay clear as best I could and still do my job. Yet those folks I actually absorbed more-so their activities and actions that I took it home with me. Not good. Yet then I enjoyed talking to others who were willing and had deep long conversations that perplexed me. I always tried to figure out where this stuff they were saying was coming from. Some of it was psychic and freaked me out, about me! Some revealed things about abuse in their own lives unconsciously. I have witnessed people I knew well acting subtly abnormal, laughing or getting agitated… and with another person at my side who also witnessed the same thing I did… you can discern something is not right, and then see their eyes turn black for a second or two. I have seen this as well in someone with severe addiction. This is not a sci-fi scene, this is something I actually saw more than once and thank goodness my friend next to me saw it at least one time. That was proof enough I wasn’t imagining it.
Now not all were negative experiences, there were lovely souls, peacefully living in a different time and place. I believe there are, of course, actual physical diagnoses for certain types of mental illness or disabilities of the brain; metaphorical ghosts that haunt your psyche. Downs Syndrome taught me all about true unconditional love, this is not what I am talking about.
Upon my early awakening on the spiritual path, with no religious beliefs attached, I decided to try to heal someone of their depression who was also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. A little too new at all this, I still believed in these abilities we have and having unwavering faith as I still do, in the power of God. At the time I did not realize just how powerful God works through us. This was my lesson.
By now I was suspicious that mental illness was not all scientific or not always medically diagnosed properly. Yet simple enough, I said my prayers, commanded whatever was attached to this person to leave, if that was even real? Covered this person in Christ light from my imagination as I felt Christ within me since I was a child and then let it all go. I talked to this person who sounded great and more normal than I had ever heard speak, focused, aware and peaceful. Something good happened. Wow!
It was so long ago, I do not remember how long it took me to realize at that time, I was becoming increasingly fearful; like my most inner fears were coming to the surface. Strange things began happening in my home. I awoke at night to footsteps on my roof, as if I had an upstairs level, my phone would ring with static on the end of it, I was choked and frozen in my bed feeling my body covered in pins and needles. It was the most terrifying thing I ever experienced. People who know me, know I am not a fearful person. I heard voices in my head telling me all my fears and how unworthy I was. My spiritual friends and teachers knew something was different about me. They were wise enough to know it was me who needed healing. A close spiritual friend recognized in my email to her that this was urgent. She was a Reike healer and gave me instructions to lie down at a specific time and she would do a distant healing on me. She was never in my home but the next morning I opened an email where she described everything within it, its layout, where my bedroom was and so on. At the foot of my bed she saw three large Angelic beings; she believed one was an Archangel Gabriel, my spiritual guide who is Native (I know now was Benoway) and the Archangel Michael. She heard them say Abagail three times. (which I discovered who Abagail was in the bible, a woman of strength and wisdom that comes full circle as to why this was a lesson for me) My friend claimed she saw that my house was filled with blackness. She explained that she cleared it and sealed all my windows. I had fallen asleep and awoke to peace. My home felt cleared even though I was still leery and a bit fearful, when she told me it was not me it was something else, a negative entity attached to me; rage went through me like a warrior. I then did what I had to do on my end. My fear left me for some reason. It was the peace knowing I was not crazy in my mind, that something else was causing me to feel this way. I can’t explain it. It was not outside of me, still within me but it was not me, if you can understand that? I smudged my home and I heard it say in my ear as if outside myself, “I’ll be back.” That sent chills but I commanded it in the name of Christ to leave. For years after that I had dreams, repetitively that I was being faced with entities in the dark and I commanded in the name of Christ to cast out these demons or I was in others homes casting them out for other people and out of them as well. Three cloaked demons tried tying my hands in another dream. Weird, it was hard to talk or command that too in my dreams. I would scream the Christ command and it would not come out, like I had to force it out of my mouth. It felt like an endless warn out, drag out draining fight by the time I woke up. I am not a religious person but Jesus was always my savior, in the real sense, like a rescuer and I knew He was the ultimate obliterator of the devil, if there was a devil? But I know him and his power and He told me in my own thoughts and dreams, I have this same power and can use this in my life too. Without ego, in meditation, Jesus told me to say, “I AM a Healer in the image and Likeness of Christ.” (This is a whole different topic, regarding Christ, our religious views, if we believe in heaven then we have to believe there is a hell and do we really need to command this darkness out of us?)
So, the person I did a healing on appeared good, functioning normal compared to the paranoid and fearful days I was used to seeing for a good long time, years, actually. I offered affirmations and a special prayer that always worked on bad days. There were bad days after that but honestly I know it was because of all the medication this person was given after an accident that occurred. The bad days seemed to be created by a numbness of life and eventually turned into a vegetable like state near the end. All bodily functions and communication started going to where this person was forced by government reliance to enter a nursing home. Riddled with medications caused a mushy brain, in my belief, unfortunately, bitterly and angrily with hands tied, I watched their ultimate demise. It was unbelievably heart wrenching to have to witness this with this person so close to my heart, much more what they went through as their life experience.
The week after the funeral, I lived in another state at the time when I started having nightmares, then choking, then unable to move my frozen body. I could not scream and the terror I felt a long long time ago came back. I had a dream of this person as well in a horrible mental state of confusion. A person close to me who was at the funeral told me an unusual occurrence; that they saw a black image walk past their bathroom door in their home around the same time of my experiences. I hoped it was just me and my fears. I was so scared that I would not sleep in my bedroom or go into my bedroom in the daytime. I desperately wrote to a spiritual loving healer who does healings for free out of the kindness of his heart and he told me that there is nothing to fear, that if we live our life through the highest aspect of love, no-thing can touch us. My husband gave me the courage to face this as we smudged the bedroom and banished it out and asked Archangel Michael to take it back to where it came. I couldn’t figure out why my husband did not experience anything in our room. That thing kept its promise as far as I am concerned and it did come back. I do not know if it attached back onto the person I healed and came after me again after their death because I surly did not see it in their eyes any longer after the healing. All this did was raise more questions. Where do souls go after experiencing such nightmares in life, after life? I know that ghosts are souls who do not know they have passed on, this though needed more answers. It has been a lifelong quest. Fortunately, I was never haunted again, though I still want answers.
Ever since, this has led me to have a greater understanding, a tiny piece of the puzzle of the paranormal. I have helped a lot of people with attacks after a suicide or had attacks after depression from a tragedy or because of whatever reasons. Depression can create poltergeists or negative energy formations that are animated. This experience gave me strength and wisdom just as my guides and Angels had hoped. I also knew exactly what this poor person I loved felt on a daily basis. I wore the same shoes for a little while. I did not intend this but when you can put yourself in someone’s shoes, you do not judge. You gain a greater perspective and compassion for what another is going through. That is my take on this. My conclusion is that what we believe draws to us experiences of the like and that God, our guardian Angels, my soul plans and the soul plans of others connected to us, uses, or lets say, “allows,” evil to teach us for the good. Evil has no power over us. My angels stood there watching and did not step in to help. They knew my strength would come only in helping my Self. Hauntings are a reflection of something within us that attract to us experiences to learn from. I learned when I live in love, I am protected. PERIOD. I do not attract the dark because where there is light, no darkness exists.
Everyone has different perceptions of things and this is what I have learned though my experiences. Not everyone will feel the same and that is fine. I hope my story helps you if you are going through something like this, please share your experiences.
Love and light and higher energy!
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